ENCOURAGING UPBUILDING SPEECH
Many persons want to maintain a positive, upbuilding spirit when speaking with others, and are pained when something negative or discouraging slips from their tongue. Others haven’t learned to care much how others are affected by their speech. What can motivate us to care, and to be better able to control our speech in an upbuilding way, avoiding slanderous talk? Let’s look at how God’s word can help us to achieve this.
Encouraging Upbuilding Speech
"Look! How good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity."--Psalm 133:1
1. WHEN LOVE ENDURES AS MOTIVATION. Yes, how good it is when peaceful unity prevails among people, when genuine Christlike love endures as the motive behind the conduct, the speech and actions, of ones with each other. Among such ones harmful speech, including slander, is disregarded, recognized to be detrimental to human relationships. Rather, positive upbuilding speech is preferred and encouraged. So how can we learn to treasure and practice truly good speech, seeking to strengthen and encourage others to fine deeds (or ways of living)? Also, in the process how can we learn to quickly recognize the opposite--slander and other harmful speech based largely on half-truths and outright lies by ones unkindly not caring about, or even (jealously) seeking to harm, otherwise healthy relationships?
2. “HARMFUL SPEECH”. Let's begin by defining slander and harmful speech. Slander is typically defined as a false report meant to do harm to the good name and reputation of another. The "false" report may contain enough truth to confuse or deceive others regarding the harmful portion. It usually does not contain the "whole" truth, although even truthful statements can be used maliciously to damage a person's reputation. The expression harmful speech is perhaps self-explanatory. We're referring to speech that tends to injure the spirit of others in some manner, or their relationships with others.
3. LOOKING TO GOD’S WORD. From here let us look to God's word for assistance--fine wisdom from the God who is love (1John 4:8). After all, as Josha' said: "Man must live, not on bread alone, but on every word that comes from Jeohvoe"s mouth."--Matth 4:4. For us to truly live and love life as God intended, we benefit from His good instruction regularly, even daily, much the same as the eating of nourishing physical food.
TREASURE GOOD SPEECH
4. AT THE RIGHT TIME. First, let's learn to have the right view of good speech. Consider, for instance, Proverbs 25:11: "Like apples of gold in silver carvings is a word spoken at the right time." When you yourself have had the right word to say to someone, an honest, sincere expression, perhaps soothing to someone who needed to hear it, a truthful word that assisted the person in some important way at the time, did it not bring happiness to you? As Josha' said, "there is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving." (Acts 20:35). To rephrase the previous proverb: "Timely advice is lovely, like golden apples in a silver basket." (NLT). Now, how do you feel when you realize that it is God Himself who has comforted us at times through others, with words at the right time, enabling us to be able to bring a soothing, healing word to someone else in need, as the Scriptures reveal that Jeohvoe' is "the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our trials so that we may be able to comfort others in any sort of trial with the comfort that we receive from God?" What a considerate arrangement from a loving God and Father!
5. GOD OF ALL COMFORT. With Jeohvoe' being the "God of all comfort," reasonably His word would be filled with truly comforting and hope-inspiring thoughts and expressions. In fact, according to Romans 15:4, "all the things written aforetime were written for our instruction, that through our endurance and through the comfort from the Scriptures we might have hope." So the Holy Scriptures are teeming with beautiful truths that lead us to inspiring qualities such as faith in God, hope, and true love.
AVOID ROTTEN SPEECH
6. “AS THE NEED MAY BE”. So are you growing in your desire to have lovely and peaceable thoughts to share with others? Proverbs 16:24 says "Pleasant sayings are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and a healing to the bones." So let's not underestimate the value of positive upbuilding speech. Consider the contrast found in Ephesians 4:29: "Let a rotten word not come out of your mouth, but only what is good for building up as the need may be, to impart what is favorable to the hearer." Notice we are first to reject a "rotten word." You may recall that "jealousy is rottenous to the bones," or, "to the core," unlike the "pleasant sayings" which we found are a "healing to the bones." (Prove 14:30). So thoughts of jealousy and contention can produce rotten speech, such as slanderous statements that can tear down someone's fine reputation (James 3:16). To have good speech, our desires should be unselfish, seeking the wise long-term benefit of others, without any trace/hint of greed or jealousy--not disobediently seeking our own glory over and above the glory and honor that belongs to our God and Creator, Jeohvoe', whom we respect and love by our genuine obedience to Him. John 7:18 says "He that speaks of his own originality is seeking his own glory, but he that seeks the glory of the one who sent him, this one is true, and there is no unrighteousness in him." So how much better to have speech that truly honors God and helps others to do so.
7. “NEW PERSONALITY”. To further enlighten us to avoid rotten, harmful speech, notice the words of Colossians 3:8-10: "But now you must put them all away from you: wrath, anger, badness, abusive speech,and obscene talk out of your mouth. Do not lie to one another. Strip off the old personality with its practices, and clothe yourselves with the new personality, which through accurate knowledge is being made new according to the image of the One who created it." So the bad needs to be replaced with the good: Colossians 3:12-14 says further: "Accordingly, as God’s chosen ones, holy and loved, clothe yourselves with the tender affections of compassion, kindness, humility, mildness, and patience. Continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely even if anyone has a cause for complaint against another. Just as Jeohvoe' freely forgave you, you must also do the same. But besides all these things, clothe yourselves with love, for it is a perfect bond of union."
8. REFUSING TO LOSE CONTROL. Thus to avoid speaking a rotten word, mention should be made of the importance of controlling our response to situations that could arouse anger. When something begins to agitate or irritate you, that is the time to take action, channeling your energies into fixing or coping with the problem, finding a solution, refusing to lose control of your reactions. "Let go of anger and abandon rage," as King David was inspired to write (Psalm 37:8). Valuing the quality of self-control along with gentle mildness, makes possible beneficial reactions to another's anger: "An answer when mild turns away rage, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (Prove 15:1). Also, genuine empathy can help prevent us from using "a harsh word." With self-control we gain control over our reaction, a choosing of our response. Mildness helps us respond gently. Yet mildness has power: "By [loyalty] a commander is won over, And a gentle tongue can break a bone," likely pointing to the power of gentleness toward opposers in "spiritual" warfare. Those acting as God's enemies likely have acquired harmful pride, which would lead to a crash. (Prove 16:18). Dealing mildly with such a person just might soften that one’s attitude, producing the desired effect, a correction of wrongs. A person can be "crushed in spirit," broken in ways that need healing: "Jeohvoe' is close to the brokenhearted; He saves those who are crushed in spirit. Many are the hardships of the upright one, But Jeohvoe' rescues him from them all. He is guarding all his bones; Not one of them has been broken." (Psalm 34:18-20; Prove 25:15). If one is ever crushed spiritually, may he look to Jeohvoe' for spiritual healing. Nevertheless, by controlling our response to anger, we definitely increase our opportunity to be a source of encouragement and upbuilding speech toward others.
9. CHANGE THE SUBJECT. Looking a little further at the rotten speech we should avoid speaking and, if possible, avoid giving ear to, notice the warning from Proverbs: "the words of the slanderer are like tasty morsels; they are gulped right down into the stomach." (Prove 18:8). Do we want to be among those greedily 'gulping down' the words of a slanderer, or rather, would we not want to turn a deaf ear to such talk, refusing to acknowledge or pay attention to it? How much better to quickly change the subject or topic of conversation to something positive and truly upbuilding! The activity and effects of a slanderer are spoken of in Proverbs 16:27-28, which read: "A worthless man digs up what is bad; His speech is like a scorching fire. A troublemaker causes dissension, And a slanderer separates close friends." Surely lovers of peace do not go out of their way to dig up bad things about someone to speak about to others, potentially scorching relatonships, even separating close friends. Nor do they give ear to someone else who is doing this. We treasure good relationships, true friendships, that our God Himself so lovingly wants to safeguard, especially among those desirous of loving and pleasing Him.
10. NOT BELIEVING “EVERY WORD”. Another helpful caution found in Proverbs 14:15 states this: "The naive person believes every word, but the shrewd ponders each step." We must be careful to avoid believing everything someone says, especially if the person's reputation for truthful speech is unclear. Is the person really known as having good motives and speaking only the truth, or does the individual at times lie or speak half-truths with questionable motives? A shrewd, or foresighted, person will see the bad effects of believing false or damaging statements about others and puts up a guard against believing such things.
PRACTICE GOOD SPEECH
11. CALLING FOR EMPATHY. Besides alerting us to refuse to speak a rotten word, Ephesians 4:29 continues, counseling us to speak favorable, upbuilding things according to pressing needs. So to practice good speech we should aim to be alert to and aware of the needs of ourselves and others. This calls for empathy and is not confined to physical needs, such as for food and drink. As Josha' began his Sermon on the Mount, he identified another type of need: "Happy are those conscious of their spiritual need, since the Kingdom of the Heavens belongs to them." (Matth 5:3). Yes, spiritual needs refer to needs associated with one's mental and emotional well-being, relationships with others and with God Himself. Knowledge of such things is vital to finding true happiness, and to helping others do the same. Thus, the regular reading of God's word may supply a treasure trove of good thoughts and expressions to feed our spiritual need and enable us to benefit others more effectively. As Psalm 1:1-3 explains, "Happy is the man who does not walk according to the advice of the wayward And does not stand on the path of sinners And does not sit in the seat of scoffers. But his delight is in the law of Jeohvoe', And he reads His law in an undertone day and night. He will be like a tree planted by streams of water, A tree that produces fruit in its season, The foliage of which does not wither. And everything he does will succeed."
12. RESPONDING TO SPIRITUAL NEEDS. So, now, what may be an example of identifying a spiritual need of someone? Suppose, for instance, that you discern someone has a need for more hope, because the person comes across as being depressed for one reason or another. Can you respond to that one's need? Of course, situations vary. But God's word calls hope "an anchor for the soul," and encourages us to wear the hope of salvation as a helmet for our head, which protects the mind. So maintaining hope is vital to every person. Can you share something from God's word to help someone return to a more hopeful outlook, perhaps reminding that one of the value of having faith in God, in His love for each of us, and in His ability to save and help us? Isaiah 59:1 reminds us "Look! The hand of Jeohvoe' is not too short to save, Nor is his ear too dull to hear."
13. GOD WANTS TO HELP. What if you are feeling dismayed that you are lacking in accurate knowledge and the wisdom of God's word? Take heart, as Jeohvoe' God is eager to assist you. We read "If any one of you is lacking in wisdom let him keep asking God, who gives generously to all and without reproaching, and it will be given him. But let him keep on asking in faith, not doubting at all, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven by the wind and blown about." (James 1:5-8) Yes, have unwavering confidence that God wants to help you, as you regularly pray for divine wisdom. Remember that a truly wise person is humble and eager to learn from others. As Proverbs 1:5 says, "A wise person listens and takes in more instruction." Also "Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning person." (Prove 10:13). Thus a strong desire to discern right from wrong from God's standpoint (or, "hungering and thirsting for righteousness") is a key to understanding true wisdom (Matth 5:6).
14. HONOR THE CREATOR OF SPEECH. So look to "the God of all comfort" for assistance and to Josha"s teaching and example as one truly refreshing others (Matth 11:28-30). Be treasuring and promoting truly good speech, while refusing to give ear to or carry on slanderous and harmful talk, kindly changing the subject to something more positive and upbuilding. Thus you will be bringing honor to the Creator of human speech, Jeohvoe'.